How to Keep a Healthy Marriage? Do Not Take It so Seriously.

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Wait, what? Yes I said it, but probably not meant in the way you are thinking.

My husband and I recently celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary. In this world with staggering divorce rates, making it to even our milestone is uncommon. If we are the exemption to the trend, I will gladly accept our “married status”. Honestly, I can say the bond between my husband and I has done nothing but grow each and every day. One might ask how do we do it?

Your guess would probably be communication. Ha! I knew during the first couple of dates that communication would be a problem. To this day my husband still says that I owe him $2.50 for a A&W Teen Burger that he bought when we were group studying for a final exam back in our university days. He said I made it clear that I would pay him back but I still stand that he offered to pay for it. Small, example, but you get the point. Our communication was and is still a work in progress.

Our key to our ever blossoming relationship is our unwritten goal of making each other laugh every day.

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Laugh, yes, laugh. Laugh at your tough situations, laugh at your fails, laugh at how ridiculous life can get. Now, I am not talking about the psychotic uneasy laugh where one is dangling on their last string of desperation. No, its the jovial, lets celebrate what we have in the now and acknowledge the small wins, type of laughter.

LAUGH AT YOURSELF: For my avid readers, you have read how my blogs have a heavy undercurrent of humour. I enjoy writing about spinning scenarios that when they happen can most certainly deflate the most positive person. For instance. I recall one day a couple of years ago, I was having one of those, why did I become a mom days? No rest, my third coffee (re-warmed twice in the microwave) was not doing the trick and kids were non-stop nagging for food, movies, world peace, I honestly do not remember. My husband had the day off and to avoid a complete motherly meltdown, he decided to take the kids out when he went to walk the dog. After, I locked the door behind them to avoid any second thoughts from the monumental task of dealing with two over active children and a dog that decides to be alpha male in a pack scenario. Not to mention, the dog pulls until he can hear tendons tearing in your wrist while trying to control him. I walked over to the sink, trying to take three deep breaths before attacking supper, meaning a roast that was thawing in our sink throughout the morning. I reached over in my old yet still functional white t-shirt that I had obtained during a high school basketball tournament many years ago.  I began to lift the roast off of the plate and out of the mixture of water and blood puddle that had pooled below the butcher wrapped roast. To this day I do not know what happened, a brain fart, a bird flying by the window, or sheer karma that the universe was not done with me just yet, but somehow the roast slipped from my hands. Before the fully formed curse word could leave my lips, the roast escaped from my fingers, landed in the red slurry and jet propelled it in a Bellagio fountain show upon my high school memorabilia. Not only the shirt, but my arms and face. It was probably the closest thing I have ever looked to being a part of The Walking Dead. Now, some people would be cursing and some might even reach for the closest bottle of “cooking” wine, but I honestly could not stop laughing. I roared until my stomach ached and I had to hold myself up with my red stained fingers upon the blood splattered sink. I then noticed that the splash had even made it to our pearly white cabinets. This in turned only made me laugh even harder. Then I thought, this would be the most opportune time for a door to door salesperson to stop by! It was a horrible mess that took quite a while to clean and disinfect, especially when I could not stop giggling as I relived the moment that was on a continuous loop in my head. It pretty much filled my whole alone time, but it was what I needed that day.

THE JOY OF MAKING OTHER LAUGH: When my husband is burnt out from work, he simply wants to stay at home with me and the kids. That is until he realizes the amount of work a stay at home mom actually does, and he soon wishes for his adult only office building and computer station. So, during his Monday to Friday grind, especially between the hours of two and three in the afternoon, I send him a painstakingly thought out GIF that I know when he picks up his phone it will put a smile on his face. Those small moving pictures make my husband’s world a little brighter. That moment, as brief as it may be in his day, I know will take his mind off of work, hopefully make him laugh out loud, and reminds him that he is loved, he is missed, he is respected and overall appreciated. It also reminds him that not every piece of technology is working for the man. Some can be forms of entertainment and fun!

LAUGH AT YOUR SITUATIONS: The best part of my day is when my husband and I are able to chat. Whether it be while preparing a meal, cleaning the house or finding the rare quiet moment to sit with a drink and appreciate our together time. My goal is to get him to laugh out loud. It’s part of my mental daily to-do list and like a game app, I am only given my daily achievement trophy once I complete my challenge. Now, if I am being honest, trying to find the humour in my day, somedays are quite a struggle. How do I get something funny from folding laundry, cleaning a bathroom, changing over the dishwasher or my daily battle of getting my daughter out the door on time to continue my pristine “zero late days” on her report card (that is a badge of honour my friends!). I have found the environment around me it will provide amazing material. Such as noticing my dog has a “friend” magpie, that pulls Top Gun Maverick flybys to promote my dog to chase him. Or, that my son prefers to dress as a dinosaur most days, and better yet, the best day was catching him licking the frozen treat display case at the grocery store. Today for example, if I had been too engulfed in the digital world on my phone, I wouldn’t have overheard a lovely elderly Mennonite woman chatting with another woman about how something in her life was “out of date and old fashioned.” I had a hard time not smirking as I peered down at her hand made dress and understanding that her way of life relies on traditions. I knew I had some gold material. The majority of my days are met with at least one moment of howling laughter from my husband. I do have to thank my mother’s father, may his soul rest in peace, he was the best story teller I have ever had the privilege to know. I like to think that I received his narrating talents.

Now this works for my husband and I. I knew early on, that we were meant for each other because we each had the most ridiculous type of humour and not only did we understand but we also fed off of each other. We will continue to send the most ridiculous GIFs, chat about the most obscene parts of our somewhat mundane lives and try to find our smiles when times are tough. I couldn’t image this journey through a humorous life with anyone else.

Now I am going to tone down the humour train before I sign off. There have been more than a fair share of high profile members of society taking their own lives in the news lately. They are only a few key figures that represent a larger population who are struggling day to day with their own demons and personal issues. I am asking to anyone out there that has read this blog and is fighting to see the humour in their life. The ones who lives in internal darkness, pain and is seeking another path, you are not alone. Reach out to your family, friends and if that is too painful, then seek a crisis hotline. There are people trained and most importantly willing to listen and to aid in whatever is happening in your life. Together let’s put an end to mental health stigma, help one another to find the humour and joy in this blessed life we are all given.

Wishing you every ounce of happiness that you have, searching for and will find.

Bailey

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One thought on “How to Keep a Healthy Marriage? Do Not Take It so Seriously.

  1. Great read and advice! Love the humour as always!
    Laughing is good for the soul, it makes everyone happy and lives just a little brighter when their day isn’t so bright!
    You do that for all of us and I hope that we’re able to do that for you when you’re having one of those days when the roast falls out of your hands! 😉

    Like

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